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You’re Not Alone Your version of sex is probably very different from your friends. Sex seems like an unending and uncontrollable thing—you can’t just stop kissing people. You think about sex all the time, and you’re constantly comparing your body with everyone else’s. You need to hide your relationship status from your friends because you’re too embarrassed to tell them that you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t want to name yet. You have an orgasm when you go down on someone, you don’t have an orgasm when you give them a blow job, and you’re not even sure you know how to masturbate. Like, at all. Advertisement – Continue Reading Below In fact, you’ve been perfectly fine with your sex life for years until that one person who’s had an incredible impact on your life, your career, or something else, who you haven’t seen in a long time. At first, you two get back in touch over drinks or a weekend trip. You start making plans to see each other again. Then you see each other two or three more times, and it gets weird. There’s something about that person that makes you uncomfortable, and suddenly you start thinking about the fact that you haven’t seen each other in a while. You end up planning a date night and realizing you need to deal with your lack of activity. You tell them you’re not interested in a relationship and that you’re trying to take it slowly, which ends up in another awkward conversation. Eventually you get over the shyness and decide to give things another chance. The thing is, even if you’ve had sex before, you’ve probably had a lot of sex since. For someone who hasn’t, though, it can be an exhilarating and even scary experience. As in any new situation, there are several layers to dating, and all of them can be overwhelming. You have to change some things about the way you talk. If you’ve never been in a romantic or sexual relationship, and you’re in one now, you have to learn new ways to act and how to use your words. No one expects you to have all of the answers, but you’ll have to listen and ask a lot more questions. The most important thing is to be as open with your date as possible, and make sure you understand how that affects their comfort level. Your fears about this situation shouldn’t be based on some kind of unfounded assumption that your date is going to be disappointed or
1. Learn to Tell If you’re not comfortable talking to people who aren’t already talking to you, give it time. In your younger years, you probably just avoided other people’s conversations and kept the speakers to your side. You might still be doing this, but it’s not a good way to make friends. Learn to converse with others from the beginning, whether it’s by joining in the chatter around you, reading body language and reading faces, or starting your own conversations. The more comfortable you are with other people, the more inclined you’ll be to be open. 2. Be a Good Time Dining out sucks. Ordering a drink and making small talk with strangers in a loud restaurant is the closest you’re likely to get to a real conversation. You won’t be able to avoid being slightly awkward or appearing rude, but remember that most people are just as awkward. The trick is to find a way to make them feel comfortable. Try walking up to the table and introducing yourself with “Good evening, I’m [insert name]” or “Excuse me, but I saw you guys were sitting together and thought I’d introduce myself.” If you have an absolutely dreadful first impression, you probably have no business going out on a date in the first place, and you’re better off doing something else—watch a movie, play trivia, knit a sweater. 3. Act Like a Gentleman It’s not all about you, you know. Be courteous when others are around. Don’t talk over other people, don’t be an ass, and don’t be too enthralled with your own brilliance or brilliance of others. Don’t bring your phone out, don’t take over the table, and don’t try to make a comment about another man’s wife. It’s not that you’re not allowed to, but it’s not the way to win people over. 4. Don’t Scrimp on Comfort You don’t have to go out to the expensive restaurant of your dreams with your mom, but you should choose something with the kind of food and environment that’s likely to make you feel comfortable. Because you’re going to be getting to know someone before anything more serious happens, it’s good to have an early hint at their comfort level. If they’re ordering wine that’s too low in alcohol, you’ll probably know before the night is through. 5. Send a “Safe” Message Your first date is

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